“Not Just Time, But Timing

When Visits Don’t Fit Into Calendars, and Consideration Isn’t Mutual

They say coming home feels like a warm hug after a long winter.And every time a friend or loved one returns from abroad, there's a familiar kind of joy—the kind that carries old stories, gifts, and a rush of plans to "make the most of the time."

I truly understand the excitement.The longing.The need to fit everything—and everyone—into a short window.

But sometimes, in all that rush, I feel a little left behind.

The Unseen Weight of Everyday Life

Because while they are on a break, I'm still living my regular, chaotic, working life.I have deadlines to meet, classes to attend, chores that pile up, and a body that sometimes needs rest more than conversation.

Still, I’m expected to adjust.To shift things around.To match my energy to a time slot—"Let’s meet from 12.15 -12.30 ," or “We’ll talk then, okay?”

But connection isn’t a task.And I can't always show up with a full heart just because the clock says it’s time.

Some days, I need room to feel, not just fit into a schedule.Some moments ask for quiet, not catch-ups.

When Effort Goes Unseen

I did adjust.I did move my calendar—again and again.I waited. I hoped. I carved out time I didn’t really have, just to be emotionally present.

And when it didn’t happen...When I was told I wouldn’t understand.When I was gently labeled as “having ego” for expressing hurt—a part of me went silent.

Because if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have done any of it.But my effort became invisible.And I was left wondering:What did I really do wrong?

“I wasn’t even looking for anything. But my emotions were played with. And that’s what hurt the most.”

It Wasn’t Ego. It Was Exhaustion.

I can’t force emotions into a one-hour slot.I can’t always talk on command.I can’t keep performing peace when I’m carrying quiet disappointment.

After a point, protecting my self-respect became more important than attending one more “scheduled” meeting.And yet, I was left with something I didn’t expect—A void.A quiet unhappiness.A subtle emotional disturbance that made everyday life feel just a bit heavier.A little more unbalanced.

A Disturbance I Never Asked For

And the hardest part?I wasn’t even looking for anything.No promises. No big moments. Just a bit of acknowledgement. A bit of honesty.

But my emotions were played with.And that’s what cut deepest.

I was living a quiet, steady, almost serene life.Until someone who came on a short holiday stepped in—not to stay, not to understand—but to stir everything up and leave it all hanging in the middle of nowhere.

Why step in just to disturb a still space, only to walk away halfway?

Integrity is Simpler Than It Seems

Somewhere along the way, I’ve learned this:

It takes a lot of integrity to stand by what one promises—especially when it’s inconvenient.If something can’t be done, it’s always better to say no than to say “let’s see” and quietly disappear.That in-between space? It does more damage than silence ever could.

P.S.

Please know—I still care.I still want to meet, to talk, to laugh.

But not when it’s rushed.Not when it’s slotted.Not when it costs me more than it gives back.

Let’s meet where our time respects each other—gently, naturally.